So let me start out by saying that I finally got some problems resolved among my friends and I last night. Unfortunately I was feeling extremely upset over everything that had happened.
With that being said, I was missing M a lot. Being home makes me miss him. We dated almost a year ago and he still can’t stand to even look at me. He was my best friend and every now and then I could really use him. The breakup was messy but nobody’s fault really.
I was also talking to N during the whole mess between my friends. He’s my friend but I like him as more. I’ll never tell him though because things will get messy.
He got particularly angry with me when I had to find a distraction so that I wouldn’t cut myself again. Its been a year and M had been the solution to the problem previously. Everything going on with my friends was just eating me up but I can’t tell any of them because they already think I need therapy.
Anywho, so I drank as a distraction last night. No measurement as to how much but I did.
This morning I was having some weird dreams. One about M. How we saw each other in the park and he approached me to apologize about everything. Then we kept seeing each other with the ocassional hand holding and kiss. Why do I have to get my hopes up? It won’t happen. A year ago he asked me to be his girlfriend and now he hates me it seems.
Oh well, life goes on.